Gosh, almost 365 days have gone by since my last post!
A lot has changed in that time. It's funny that reading it now I see actually I was quite quick to realise the challenges that I have faced since then.
I am still in physician training and finally have my full licence to practice in Australia. In fact, I have recently applied for permanent residency. Not everything is sunny side up however!
I struggled to settle in though I have very little I can complain about - a far better work-life balance, generally good weather, a (new) wonderful flatmate and a lovely flat. It is the social aspect though I have found tough, even 15 months since moving.
I had always thought of myself as fairly sociable but perhaps nearing 30 changes your perspectives somewhat when it comes to these things... having read numerous accounts of similar adult encounters I know this is not an infrequent circumstance, but nonetheless that makes it really no less tough. Making friends is for children it sometimes seems!
In September, I visited home and on my return, the first back to Australia where I was not there for the first time in a new place, everything seemed a little different. I was returning to my "new home" but yet it didn't feel like a home really at all. My heart was elsewhere. The following few months were difficult. Though I enjoyed my work and felt I was learning a lot, the shift patterns were tough with a predominance of night shifts for half a year including Christmas. I felt cranky a lot and my poor partner had to suffer my mood swings with me. Luckily, he remains eternally patient.
In April, my grandmother also passed away rather suddenly. We were sadly not close and whilst when the news finally actually hit me I found myself besides myself with tears. Not for my grandma, but for my own mum. To not be able to hug her during her darkest hours to me felt very wrong, and after much persuasion, umming and ahhing I finally got onto a plane to Toronto to meet her. As soon as I saw her smile, I knew it was right to have left. To be with her meant much to me but it also left me with more questions to myself: did I want to be in that situation myself? On the other side of the world when my mum was unwell? It is a question that still sits badly with me.
Luckily, my annual leave came swiftly afterwards and I could rejoin my family in the UK once more for a few weeks. It was wonderful to be with them again in happier circumstances but leaving seemed harder than ever before. On the plus side, workwise I am happy to be working in daylight hours again!
All in all, my life continues to be somewhat good, and somewhat missing and in some ways I think this is the toughest portion I've had to face so far. I guess you cannot prepare yourself for every situation...
Ahead of me lie exams, visas, and who knows what else?
I however know I must be extremely remain grateful for what has been brought to me: life + laughter x love. Que será, será!
